Hey blog, it's been a while. I've been off enjoying having an awesome boyfriend and all, but not tonight. I'm having some insomnia because I'm pretty sure I am upset with said boyfriend. I know I'm overreacting but I just can't really calm down. I took a walk and blasted my eardrums, and nothing. So here I am. It's not the sort of thing I feel like I can talk about in such a public place as it does involve someone who's not me and such.

I think the walk actually maybe made it worse. Now there's all these things in my head that I might actually be worried about that I didn't think I was worried about.

I'd really like to just talk to him about it but it's nearly 3am and he leaves at 10am, so he does actually need to sleep. So I'm here, awake and alone. My computer kind of fried, so I can't game or anything. He gave me his spare laptop so I've got this and I can at least surf the net and do some light work. This thing can't handle photoshop so that sort of stuff is out.

I could be doing something productive with this time like cleaning or doing dishes, but I don't want to wake him up. He has to go to work tomorrow, which is why he's leaving.

The plan is I get picked up like Friday night or Saturday morning and go to his grandparents' place and stay like a week, if I can find someone to watch the cats. But my emotions and things are all fucked up right now and I'm plagued with some pretty serious doubts that make me think maybe I don't actually want to go.

Anxiety sucks. It'd be nice to not constantly worry that how you feel isn't REALLY how you feel and such. So still here, sitting wondering what it is I'll do with my night and when I might be able to sleep. I was hoping to make him breakfast this morning, you know, before I got upset and insomnia kicked in.

Looks like I'm just going to browse the internet for a while. Goodnight.