Struggle Bus

 I'm riding the struggle bus every day and it hurts so much. I wish he loved me. I wish I was loveable. I wish I could afford to live. Instead I'm in my own personal hell. And I feel helpless. Nothing helps. I've tried talking to people, I've tried buying things, I've tried distraction and nothing helps. I just end up alone crying myself to sleep every night. Having nightmares about him, about losing everything all over again. I don't know how to survive this, how to stop fantasizing about just ending it all. Every day I wake up in more pain than I can handle and I just put on a face for everyone around me but I don't know that I can do this. Because I don't want to do this. There is no better for people like me. It's all a lie people tell you.