I hate the times when it feels like this blog is all I have. I just want to withdraw away from everyone and everything. I wish hadn't started working and making promises and things. I just want to curl up in bed and disappear.

I was briefly good today. And then it went away. The loneliness is eating at me and I just can't bring myself to lower my standards to just even be kissed again. I hate that my happiness is so easily shattered.

I was okay with being alone, I was happy with my job and I felt like I had something worth being for. Now all I want to do is fade away from existence.

Rohtaga is a great friend and all, but like all my friends of any sort I sometimes feel like I can't talk to them. Sometimes it's that it's been so long I feel like I'm unwanted or intruding. Other times it's that I don't feel close enough to the person to empty out all my solutionless problems on, or that I am close and don't want the person to feel bad or helpless like I do.

The month is almost over. It feel like just yesterday James and Rohtaga were here eating pizza with me and that everything in my life was getting better. It felt like all those good things were indestructible.

So I'm here. I think I might just go to bed soon. I like sleep. I can't recall ever being all that lonely in my dreams, at least not for long. Usually I'm pretty happy too. Or on a cool adventure. I like the adventure ones, it's like watching a movie.

I really just want someone to curl up in bed with. It sucks. I miss that feeling of safety and comfort and happiness, it's like this little bubble of absolute peace for me. When I'm content like that, I get sleepy. It's kind of odd but I just accept it.

I don't even know what else there is to say.