Things are mildly better today. Mostly because it is so hot I can't bother to think to be depressed. Last night was pretty awful. For about every post here there are ten I think of in my head that I don't manage to post. I don't like summer. I love the sunshine but hate the heat. Not really looking forward to tomorrow, I know I'll feel better after, but knowing that doesn't help. I only got up at 1pm, I was just so tired and I just didn't want to get up. But again that's normal for depression, it just seems more consistent lately.

I'm always told that things will get better, but it's hard to believe. There are no guarantees. Just because I deserve to be happy doesn't mean I will. Millions of people in Africa and India deserve food, water, and to live, but they don't. Millions of people die of disease and starvation, and they don't deserve it. Nothing in life is fair. I'm not any better than any of those people, or any more special or deserving. And people tell me that things will get better. Because I'm White and Canadian. Some tell me they will because I deserve it. Deserving isn't enough.